i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am puke
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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