I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's always time for handjobs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
