I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
