Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
