Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
