im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize