I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
