somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
