i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
