I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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