her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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