well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
