I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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