that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
