Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
