the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
