I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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