OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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