what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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