you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize