Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
