ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
are you so shy because you have an std?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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