I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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