john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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