I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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