some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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