if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
