She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
