i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
