im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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