Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
