I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
