I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
