I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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