Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just cut my nipple shaving
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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