if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
