I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
