My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
