it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
