im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
