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Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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