I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
