I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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