I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
