69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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