The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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