anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
