What did we do last night that was yellow?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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