Don't you send me to vm
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
