He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
