I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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