he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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