The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
