I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
