I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize