He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize