I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
