toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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