We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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