my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
