just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize