apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
