no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
