why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
