i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
