She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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