Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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