So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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